Addiction is a hard thing to process. I speak in terms of all addiction forms. But the one that I have the most experience with is the Trauma Bond Addiction.
This "drug" is a cycle of physical, verbal, emotional, sexual and financial abuse that significantly creates an emotional attachment between the victim and the abuser. Narcissists love to hurt their victim and then make them feel better in a never ending frustrating cycle of emotional turmoil.
This conjures up severe emotional confusion in the victim resulting in a Trauma Bond.
Trauma Bonding makes you physiologically addicted to abuse. This explains why the symptoms of going no contact feels like you are coming off a drug. You literally feel withdrawal symptoms. Depression, Guilt of leaving, Loneliness, Sadness, Irritable, Angry, Anxious, Fearful, Missing them, Guilt about missing them, feeling like you wont survive without them and knowing you wont survive with them.
And it takes days, weeks, months, even years to become unaddicted to the cycles.
Why do I say Years?
Well this is because Trauma Bonds are usually formed from early childhood. If there was chaos, unpredictable behaviour, lack of emotional connection, lack of safety, lack of clear boundaries, codependency, unhealthy coping mechanisms, abandonment, and self betrayal to receive love in your early years, then you are well known to the cycle of a Trauma Bond. And you will engage in one without even knowing or understanding why it's "always happening to you". I hear lots of people say, "Why do I keep attracting these toxic partners?" ( I won't lie, I was one of them). Well more than likely your addicted to the ups and downs that they bring to the relationship, and/or you have some unconscious issues from childhood that keep coming out in your current relationships and you are part of the problem. I know, hard one to hear hey. I felt the same when my therapist told me that too.
This is why Inner Child Healing is the one thing that I will shout to the rooftops so that it is heard by all because it is the most important step to take on your Self Love Journey and it has worked for me 110%.
Realizing why I am the way that I am due to what I experienced as a child, admitting to my faults as an adult and fixing them, reparenting myself, showing myself so much love when I react and respond to a situation, Meditation, understanding technical terms thanks to tons of research on the internet and my therapist, and stating that I no longer want to be the victim has broke 31 years of Trauma Bonds in less than a year for me. The work was hard. I had suppressed trauma and emotions so deep that I developed a dissociation disorder from childhood. I had very little memories of my childhood. My soul and mind had blocked them and suppressed them in order to survive. These took a lot of grieving, feeling, healing and releasing in order to get to where I am today. And I'm still uncovering layers of wounds that need to be healed as I continue my journey.
Inner Child Healing saved my life from carrying on down a dark twisty road that did not have a great outcome for me.
Childhood Trauma also heals in safe relationships. Surrounding myself with people who would fight with the world to make me feel safe triggered my healing process and jumped it by many many timelines.
You have to be ready to look at your past, acknowledge your deepest fears, admit your darkest secrets, and power up the strength to say enough is enough. You are the only one in control of your life. You are the Boss. You are the only one who can save you.
And just like that your life starts to change.
You remember how much you have survived. You know that your world has fallen apart before, time and time again. You've picked yourself up off the floor, bruised, battered and bloody over and over again. This is not new to you. You recognize the cycle. If you have survived your world shattering before whose to say you won't survive again. The odds are in your favour when you recognize this. You are still here. A bit damaged, A bit broken. But you are still here, you are strong and resilient and that is something to be proud of yourself for, I am damn Proud of You.
Mantras To Promote Self Worthiness. Repeat Daily to Yourself
I Am Worthy Of Everything Good In Life
I Deserve To Be Happy
I Will Always Show Up For Myself
I Choose To Stop Apologizing For Being Me
I Am Worthy of Love and Attention
I Am Meant for More
I Am Not My Thoughts
I Know It Will Get Better
I Forgive Myself
I Love Myself
I Accept Myself
My Voice is Valuable and I Matter