Self Love is the Greatest Middle Finger of All Time
OH MY GOSH How true is that statement?
For me it's 110% facts. Before my self love journey, I would have looked at that statement and thought nothing of it. I didn't understand the depths of self love. I didn't know what boundaries were and how much they are needed in all the relationships we have with others in order to protect ourselves.
In fact I thought I protected myself quite well, between the keeping a distance and or, bending over backwards for my people to maintain the relationship. BIIIISSSHHHH no. NO. If this is you, STOP. Stop it now.
That is the complete opposite of protecting ourselves! I have had to learn the hard way over and over. Never taking responsibility for my own actions and I would react to the way others would project insecurities onto me. I played the "Victim Card" when I was hurt from people taking advantage of my kindness, empathy and compassion. I thought poor me, how could they do that to me when all I have shown them is the opposite.
Well they did that because I LET THEM. Let me yell for those in the back.... I LET THEM! I let them take advantage of me, I let them use me as a doormat, I let them cross my feeble boundaries. Why did I let them? Because I was afraid of confrontation. I people pleased because the alternative was way more scarier for me at the time. This stems back from childhood trauma and what survival mechanisms I developed to cope. I would literally break out in a full body sweat and hives when I had to be forced to be confrontational. It stressed my body out so much that my survival mechanism became Fawning. Fawning is the maladaptive way of creating safety in our connections with others by essentially mirroring the imagined expectations and desires of other people. So to put it lightly, People Pleasing Traits. I felt like I was always giving and giving and never receiving what I needed back. This takes a toll on your psyche, your soul, your emotions and your body. It does not align you with your higher path or your higher self. You vibrate on a lower frequency when you do not set boundaries and it will dig you into a deep depression and self loathing spiral.
I will not lie, setting boundaries when your survival tactic is to people please is probably one of the hardest things that I have to do for myself. You will surely face backlash from establishing boundaries, especially if you have never had them in place to begin with. Those people who took advantage will be right pissed off that they no longer have access to what you were giving them to meet their emotional needs. And they will question. It is your right to say no. Just remember that, IT IS YOUR RIGHT TO REFUSE OR SAY NO to anything you don't want to do, whether its physical, emotional, or spiritual situations.
Stay Strong Queens. Once you change your mindset from Poor me, to I let them and now what can I do to change this, big things start happening. You are in control of You. You are in control of how you respond to others and you are in control of how you react to others.
Love Thy selves enough to say Fuck You.